My two teams on Blackout Rugby Manager (called Woodward Games and Woodward Saints) have just filled the TOP 2 POSITIONS on the global ladder. (That is the ladder where everyone in the world challenges teams above them in rugby matches to try to become number 1 in the world.)
What are those arrows next to five of the teams in the top 10?
Well, they are members of our union (which is like a federation) called Unicorn Hookers (see this New York Times article if you are wondering why it is called that, or maybe it was published somewhere else, I can’t remember).
The best teams in the world are a part of this glorious union so I wanted to highlight that fact with cool orange arrows!
HOWEVER, there are some, let me say, non-believers from LESSER unions that think we rig things like buying referees (just don’t check their bank accounts please) to get in those top positions (there are always those who are envious of us extremely talented people).
AND I must say that following that was posted on the official Blackout Rugby discord channel … is fake news … honest!!!
—– AN EXCLUSIVE LEAK ACCIDENTALLY POSTED ON DISCORD —–
Hey (insert whoever has the top position in the world),
I see you are number 1 on the global ladder right now.
I’m going to make you an offer you can’t refuse…
How about you change your team name to Woodward Games while you are at the top and I will give you a whole-year access to the Exclusive VIP Platinum section of Unicorn Hookers HQ (and any of the regional branches – now in over 69 countries).
What is this awesome place I hear you say?
Well, have you heard of Fantasy Island? … well, it is like that, but on steroids (and the odd onion).
There are no cameras, no videos, so you can frolic with mega superstars without the hassle of paparazzi.
Testimonies from current members:
Neither my hips nor my lips lie when I say that this place saved me after that horrendous break-up with the Spanish dude whose name I now forget. Oh, and thanks for letting me shoot the video there.
– Shakira
I tried and tried to invest in Unicorn Hookers as I see it as the FUTURE of everything (so much talent and intelligence there it still blows my mind). You know those forty-something billion I offered and you rejected… well don’t worry, I got to use it on something else. Oh, and thanks for allowing me to be a part of the Platinum club anyway!
– Elon Musk
I didn’t think unicorns were real until I saw a number of them freely roaming about in their natural habitat… the Platinum club. Maaaarvelous creatures they appear to be. I’d do a BBC documentary about this amazing discovery but, you know, club rules… no cameras allowed!
Just some zoologist advice, don’t feed the unicorns any onions … they’ll fart rainbows everywhere!
– Sir David Attenborough
Since I’m now growing quite old, one of things I will truly miss when I’m gone is the Platinum Club at Unicorn Hookers HQ. Everyone knows about my love of horses, but this place takes it to the next level for my one true love … unicorns. In fact, I offered my kingdom for a unicorn … but they said no. I would have said OFF WITH HIS HEAD … but no, this place is too cool to do that!
– (The late) Queen Elizabeth II
I have another 298 testimonies from Johnny Depp to Messi, from Marilyn Monroe to Freddie Mercury.
So think about this offer you CAN’T refuse
as in, we won’t allow you to refuse it … and you thought you had free will to choose …. Wua ha haa ha ha haaa! That is soooo funny … you thought you could choose ha ha ha! Damn, I just peed myself laughing so much.
The Secretary for the glorious Unicorn Hookers Union.
—– END OF THE EXCLUSIVE LEAK —–
While the President of the Unicorn Hookers claims this leak is fake news, we have photographic evidence proving the posted message to be true. Yes, Sir David Attenborough has indeed been involved with the unicorns! Case closed!
